


magic is only for straight men

by haemophilus



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Backstory, Blowjobs, Hotel Sex, Las Vegas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-05-24 20:30:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14961653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haemophilus/pseuds/haemophilus
Summary: So, okay, maybe Tony wasn’t as straight as they come after three shots of tequila. Maybe he wasn’t as professional with fans or as worried about his image when he’d had four beers on top of that. Maybe, maybe, maybe he was hand-on-ass, fuck-me-eyes drunk with a fan in Vegas and the door to his hotel room was four-steps-too-many away.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty straightforward feelsy smut. Hope you like it!

“Tony Wonder?” said a deep, disembodied voice from somewhere to his left. A gangly young man with a bright face barreled towards him through the crowd. The sea of people seemed to part with his sheer force of eager energy. He put his hand on Tony’s shoulder and squeezed it. Before Tony could get a single word in, the man continued “I am a huge fan.”

Fame was a funny, uneven thing. Men like. . .whoever this was. . .had started to become a more frequent fixture in Tony’s life. However, he’d never encountered this kind of enthusiasm outside of Orange County. Must be a transplant in town for Penn & Teller or something.

“Hey! Always nice to meet a fan,” said Tony. Then, he groaned as he pushed a pen out of his sleeve. Fans always got a kick out of that, and this guy was no exception. His eyes shone with Wonder at the small illusion. “Autograph?”

The man nodded as he searched around in his very full pockets for something, anything, to sign. Finally, he rolled up his sleeve and held it out to Tony.

“Make it out to Gob Bluth,” he said. Tony pulled off the pen cap with his teeth and placed it on Gob’s skin before realizing that he had no idea how to spell his name.

“J - O - B?” he said through the pen cap. Gob shook his head.

“G - O - B,” said Gob.

Tony nodded as he started to write his standard message.

_ To Gob. Thanks for the magic. Tony Wonder. _

He capped the pen, and put it back up his sleeve. Gob put his wrist up to his eyes.

“Thank you, Tony Wonder,” he said, reverent. He touched the ink to make sure it was dry and rolled up his sleeve. Then, he put his hand on Tony’s shoulder again and grinned as wide as his face would allow. “Drinks! On me!”

*

So, okay, maybe Tony wasn’t as straight as they come after three shots of tequila. Maybe he wasn’t as professional with fans or as worried about his image when he’d had four beers on top of that. Maybe, maybe, maybe he was hand-on-ass, fuck-me-eyes drunk with a fan in Vegas and the door to his hotel room was four-steps-too-many away.

Gob pushed him up against the wall and breathed heavily into his neck.

“Do we have to wait until we get to your hotel room? Can’t we just -”

He kissed Tony’s neck, and slid the tips of his fingers into the back of Tony’s jeans. Gob was hard against Tony’s leg. The heat of his breath and his body were almost too intoxicating to resist. However, Tony wasn’t so drunk that he was unware of public decency laws. He reluctantly pulled Gob’s hands out of his jeans.

“I like doing this better in a bed,” said Tony. Gob laced his fingers in Tony’s, looking dazed.

“Sure, okay,” said Gob. “A bed. Bed’s great.”

*

Getting their clothes off wasn’t as sexy as Tony had hoped. Lighter fluid mechanisms wrapped around their bodies and coins spilled out of their pockets as they stripped off layer by layer with fumbling fingers. The room was a mess by the time they were nude but shit, shit, shit they were nude. Gob’s pretty face was lit yellow and red with light from the Vegas strip that streamed through their window. Tony brushed his fingers down Gob’s body from neck to navel. The man shivered underneath him and moaned. Tony laid a kiss on Gob’s neck.

“You’re pretty. Girls must go crazy for you onstage.”

Gob ran his hand up through the back of Tony’s hair and down the side of his face. He rested his palm on Tony’s cheek.

“Yeah. They love me,” said Gob. Their lips met in a deep kiss. Gob wrapped his leg around the back of Tony’s knees, and thrust up into his thigh. When he broke the kiss, he continued, “I know you do. . .almost as well as me. With the girls and everything.”

Tony’s laugh at the (surely unearned) confidence of this amateur magician was silenced with another dirty kiss. Unbelievable, magician culture, that they could be so close to fucking and yet so aware that this was the opposite of how they were supposed to size each other up. Girls, girls, girls and bravado -

Gob grabbed Tony’s wrist, brought his index fingers up to his own mouth, and began blowing them. He locked eyes with Tony and moaned as he took them deeper - a letter of intent. Tony, who was already achingly hard, thrust slowly against Gob’s thigh, eager for friction.

“Gonna blow me or are you just showing off?” asked Tony after Gob licked up his palm and took a third finger into his mouth. Gob flushed - crap, maybe he  _ was _ just showing off - and took the fingers out of his mouth. Then, his face lit up in a huge grin.

“Not showing off. Good showmanship-” He pressed an open-mouthed kiss to Tony’s neck and rolled his hips. Tony arched his back, keening. “-gets you everywhere.” 

Hands trailed down Tony’s chest, stomach, mound. Gob brushed his fingers against Tony’s pubic hair, but couldn’t seem to reach any further. Tony rolled off of him, locked eyes, and stroked himself. The message was clear -  _ get to it. _

Gob straddled him with a sly look on his face. He’d done this before and, from the looks of it, knew he was about to give Tony a good time. His hand replaced Tony’s, stroking, stroking, stroking. Tony resisted the urge to throw his elbow over his face and bite his lip like some Victorian chick being ravished. Totally off-brand; he bit his fist instead. His breathing was heavy and wet against his knuckles as Gob bobbed up and down on his cock.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he mumbled into his fist. Gob hummed a laugh, and pulled off Tony’s cock. He jacked him, alternating fast and slow, a crooked smile on his face. His lips and forehead were glistening in the dim light.

“Worth the wait?” he teased. Then, he leaned down and stroked Tony’s cock against his cheek. Gob’s hot breath, his hungry mouth, made Tony ache with a promise -  _ almost.  _ Tony took his fist out of his mouth, and dropped it onto the bed.

“Yeah,” he gasped. Gob rubbed Tony’s cock against his cheek, down, then licked up, base to tip, agonizingly slow. His fingers cupped Tony’s balls and stroked them with his thumb. Tony let out a choked noise that made Gob laugh again. It was unbridled and deep, loud enough for the neighbors to hear, and a certain something ached inside Tony, just for a moment, that wasn’t the building pressure in his throbbing cock. His face must have betrayed him, because Gob stopped his hand and his mouth and looked at Tony curiously. Then, he looked away - discomfort - and closed his eyes.

“Your hair is getting in my eyes,” he lied. The new part of him that ached wanted to push it further but. . .the cock part of him that ached didn't want the blue balls that might happen if he did. Better to play along if he wanted to get off.

“Yeah I'm not really into shaving it or whatever,” said Tony. “Kinda girly, you know?”

Gob’s mouth was too full of cock by the end of his sentence to reply with anything but a hum of agreement. He jacked the base as he bobbed up and down, more intense than he’d been before. It was clinical, almost, as if he was trying to just get this over with. He breathed through his nose in muffled huffs, face red from exertion, palms slipping with sweat.

There was a lot to unpack here, but Tony was too drunk and close to coming to do it.

Gob pulled off and licked his open palm obscenely. He was trying to catch his breath without showing it as if Tony’s time was money.

“You're great at giving head,” said Tony. Gob opened his eyes. A warm smile bloomed on his face.

“Never done it before. Good to know I'm a natural,” he said.

This couldn't possibly be true, but the tension that melted out of Gob’s body at the praise brought kisses up his thighs along with it. Gob thumbed the head of his cock all the while. Then, he was at the base of Tony’s cock and he paused - breathing in,  _ smelling  _ him. Two more strokes and Tony was coming all over those pretty fingers and lips.

*

After, Gob went to the bathroom and stayed there for a long time. Tony heard him brush his teeth and wash his face. There was a long pause - at _least_ five minutes - before he heard a sigh that was followed by the pounding water of the shower.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s gonna be more porn eventually but i really needed to post something to feel good about myself so: look at inner monologue, fandom!

Tony’s fame was evident in the size and style of his enormous bathroom. Its granite countertops gleamed under the soft yellow lights. Toiletries were wrapped neatly in a white towel next to the sink with a little note welcoming him to the hotel. The shower had glass panes and what looked like multiple pressure settings. It wasn’t unlike the bathroom in the final house his family lived in before his mom, Buster, and his dad had downsized to their expensive penthouse in Orange County.

There was no denying that Gob’s motel was a shithole in comparison, rented out for two weeks using a fistful of cash that he’d normally use for booze or new illusions from various magic catalogues that were sent to his mom’s penthouse due to his lack of a permanent address.  _ Supposedly _ the under-the-table payment was meant to pay for rent, but the OC was far too expensive for what he was paid, and a rotating door of girlfriends ensured he always had somewhere to live. One day, of course, he’d live in a lavish mansion paid for by royalties from his bestselling magic videocasettes. But until then - shitty Vegas hotels, gambling for food money, buying drinks on a tab with a fake name.

Vacation poverty was a drag, but it was worth it to see. . .or to do. . .

Gob thought for a moment, trying to remember why he was in Vegas through his haze of alcohol and sex. He frowned at himself in the mirror and nicked at a bit of dried semen on his chin. On a list of reasons why he might be in Vegas, this certainly was not one of them. Not that gay sex was  _ ever _ a plan in his life. He wasn’t some kind of queer that went to vacation towns to suck cock like the twinks who pooled into San Francisco for naked parades every June. He was masculine, a womanizer, a man with a strong chin and a winning smile -

He was gripping the counter so hard that it cut into his hands. Gob pulled them away and squeezed until the blood flowed back into his palms. He pulled out a toothbrush - one of two - and began brushing the taste of cock out of his mouth. Tony hadn’t been as gross as some of the guys Gob had sucked off, but cock was cock and the aftertaste was never great. 

Still - the aftertaste of  _ Tony Wonder’s _ cock. Tony Wonder had left an aftertaste of cock on his tongue and cum on his face. Gob paused with the toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, turning this over in his mind. He hadn’t know that Tony was. . .that he liked. . .that he ever would have  _ wanted _ -

A splat of toothpaste dripped onto the counter. He blinked out of his reverie, took the toothbrush out of his, mouth, and spat into the sink. Down, down, down the drain went all of the evidence that Tony’s - or  _ any _ \- cock had ever been in his mouth. He ran the sink and splashed water onto his face. With some vigorous scrubbing, the cum on his face went down the drain too.

Everyone had always told Gob that he looked either thirteen or thirty depending on the light. He’d always joked that it was one of his famous illusions and taken it as an in to unleash a fireball or pull out some cards. It was frustrating, though, to look in the mirror and realize they were right. He never looked his own age as old as he got. Tonight, his eyes were red and his hair was damp as if he’d fallen in a puddle and cried about it. He was twenty-one but looked about. . .sixteen, if he was honest. Less sexually magnetic and more vulnerable than anyone his age - especially  _ him _ \- had any right to look. Maybe that was why Tony made such a funny face when they’d been having sex. He’d felt guilty like the men who had sex with Gob for drugs or money.

Gob ran his hand through his sweaty hair, and willed himself to breathe. No, Tony Wonder was  _ nothing _ like. . .not even a little like. . .not at all like. . .them.

Fuck, he needed a goddamn shower.


End file.
